Sometimes, Christmas songs do more than conjure up images of blatant commercialism and forced family congeniality. Even the blackest heart cannot deny the healing power of hearing
Judy Garland sing the winsomely nostalgic "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" or the joyful bounce of
Chet Atkins' guitar on "Jingle Bell Rock." It's nice that these and three other holiday classics occur at the very beginning of
Surviving Christmas, because any listener willing to wade through the crap that follows is indeed a fetishist. Somewhere between a terrible remix of
Bing Crosby singing "Happy Holidays" -- simply laying down a hip-hop beat and playing with vocal effects is neat if you're 14 -- and a truly forgettable score from the usually reliable
Randy Edelman, the not-so-ironically titled
Surviving Christmas becomes an Olympic event in endurance. ~ James Christopher Monger